My Team Universe Experience By Karen Patten

I guess 12 was my number for the weekend, although by no means was it my lucky number. I had dieted for 12 weeks, I spent 12 hours traveling, there were 12 competitors in my class, and after all was said and done, I placed 12th. I've always prided myself on being good at math, but even the world’s best statistician would be unable to interpret the numbers to make placing 12th out of 12 anything other than last place. Believe me, I've tried. I actually contacted 12 of the top ranking mathematicians in the country, and they all verified the results. Okay, that's a lie, I only called one, and she laughed at me and called me a loser, but I did call her 12 times. She wasn't laughing when she threatened me with a restraining order if I called again, but I digress. Even my contestant number was divisible by 12. Today is August 19, and as 12 days have passed since the contest, it seems an appropriate time to write about my experience.

Mind you, I've spent the last 12 days wisely. I've contemplated, critiqued, assessed, and evaluated. I've looked at pictures and considered things from every possible angle. I was faced with a very difficult decision and wanted to make the best decision possible, without reacting emotionally to a situation I have never had to struggle with before. After agonizing over my decision, I finally settled on mini-wheats for breakfast. Then, with a full belly, I spent some time reflecting on the show.

The thing about competing is that the work is done by the day of the show, so in order to figure out what went wrong, I have to look back in time. I've struggled to identify the critical point in my life that led to my loss, and keep coming up with the same conclusion; it’s all my parents’ fault. They didn't raise me right. I know blaming my parents is an 80’s thing, but I was raised in the 80’s (again, my parents’ fault), and anyways, retro is cool. So now that I know what went wrong, I've got to look to the future. I can turn my loss into a positive experience if I can learn and grow. I've certainly grown in the past 12 days (mini-wheats go straight to my hips) and I’d like to share with you what I've learned.

I've learned to rely on myself for approval, that external appreciation and acceptance is secondary to confidence and pride in oneself. I've learned to be kinder to myself, to speak to myself like a gentle parent would address a cherished child (I've also learned that if you speak to yourself like that in the grocery store, people look at you funny). I've learned that there's satisfaction in knowing that I worked hard and that I don't need a trophy to have a sense of achievement. I've learned that my children love me even when I don't win, and they probably love me just a little bit more for showing them how to lose with grace and dignity (honestly, I've been graceful and dignified the whole time) . I've learned that humility and determination combine to make the greatest motivator, and with a touch of stubborn pride thrown in, it’s a recipe for success. I have succeeded because I will not quit. I have taken something far more valuable than a trophy away from this experience. Although I lost at Team Universe, I am a winner, for I have learned what fuels me. It is because I love this sport that I will continue to compete, and there is nothing better in life than the chance to do what you love. In a way, I'm grateful that I lost. I've never faced losing before, and some part of me always wondered how I would handle it. I'm proud that I've been able to find a silver lining, and am confident that I will also learn something from the next show I do. From the bottom, there's nowhere to go but up.

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